What to do when you’re feeling overwhelmed
Hello friends,
How are you holding up? I'm writing this from bed, where I intend to rot for a few hours, because that's what I need today. Perhaps you've been feeling like me, exhausted at the perpetual horrific news cycles and perhaps you too are navigating some really tender terrain. If so, I see you. You are not alone. I know we all struggle with challenging seasons in our lives, so if you're struggling too, I hope today’s newsletter can help.
We are more connected than ever before, which means I’m connected to you
- yes you - who is reading this right now. I’d like to honor that it can be really hard to be a person who cares deeply about the world, and do all the human things. To be witnessing atrocities while your kids or partner asks “what’s for dinner?” tonight. Sometimes you just need to melt into your couch and disassociate by watching TV, I'm personally binging Bridgerton, Traitors and old Star Trek episodes right now.
I've been thinking a lot about what it takes to stay strong in times of overwhelm and distress, so I've reached into my archive for this missive.
Here are my unfiltered thoughts on Strength & Resilience right now:
The definition of Resilience is: the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties. It's the ability to quickly "bounce back." I believe this is outdated, and from a systems and trauma-informed perspective, it's harmful to ourselves or those we impose this belief upon. I believe that Resilience is the capacity to stay connected to yourself, even when life gets hard. It’s not about bouncing back -- it’s about softening in, adapting wisely, and honoring your humanity as you move through challenge. Resilience also includes rest, to take the time that we need, offers us inquiry and awareness, and invites us into soft action. It can be slow, meaningful moments. Soft actions can look like:
Tiny self-care acts:
Making your bed, even if it's the only thing you accomplish today
Drinking one extra glass of water instead of forcing yourself to drink eight
Taking three deep breaths before checking your phone or scrolling socials
Putting on clothes that feel good on your skin, even if you're staying home
Asking myself, what would help me to feel good today?
Gentle boundaries:
Saying "let me get back to you" instead of immediately saying yes to requests
Turning off notifications for apps that stress you out
Leaving a conversation that's draining your energy
Taking the longer route home to give yourself transition time
Micro-movements:
Stepping outside for two minutes to feel sun on your face
Stretching one part of your body that feels tight
Dancing to one song in your kitchen
Walking to the mailbox without your phone
Emotional tending:
Writing down one thing you're grateful for instead of a whole gratitude list
Calling a friend for five minutes instead of isolating completely
Crying in the shower because that's where it feels safe
Asking for one specific thing you need instead of suffering in silence
Mental space clearing:
Clearing one surface in your home (just one counter, one table)
Unfollowing one social media account that makes you feel bad about yourself
Saying no to one commitment that feels like too much
Choosing the closer line (instead of trying to find the shorter one) at the store to reduce overwhelm
Additionally, I’ve learned that if we focus on the challenges, we get more of them. If we choose to focus on the glimmers - we really start to see these more instead. This is not about toxic positivity, but neuroscience.
I’ve learned that authentic resilience softly whispers to me, “one thing at a time." Authentic resilience is more like a tree in a storm; it bends, it may lose some branches, it might even lean permanently in a new direction, but it stays rooted and continues to grow. I invite you to take a moment to reflect how you’ve grown in new ways too. And, it’s ok to not be ok right now. You can hold both. Strength and resilience looks different for everyone.
Crowdsourced Ideas
I posted on Facebook that I have been feeling overwhelmed and was wondering what my friends do to help themselves; these helped me and hope they help you too!
L.V: "Every four hours a day I write everything on my mind down on paper. Just doing that helps me not overwhelmed and can concentrate. Apparently, feeling overwhelmed as a part of growth [means] you’re discovering something new."
L.T.: "I’ve been focusing and prioritizing joy, connection and wellness. Saying yes to these before anything else. What ever atm brings me joy, journaling, napping, drawing. Strength training, gentle walks, regular massage. Oh and therapy. Lots of therapy."
S.J.: "Find the smallest thing to enjoy. Take a walk. Go somewhere you’ve never been before. Break your own algorithm. Shock your system with new information and experiences. A new restaurant you’ve always wanted to try. The smallest insect on the smallest flower. Watch it for a bit and just take in the simple exquisite wonder of small things existing and going about their days."
Somatic Tool of the Week: Heart-Centered Breathing
When life feels overwhelming and your nervous system is activated, this gentle practice helps regulate your emotions and return to a sense of calm presence.
Find your heart space – Place one hand on your chest, over your heart if this feels safe for you. Feel the warmth and weight of your hand there. (Alternative: you can also put your hands in your lap and visualize your heart.)
Breathe into your heart – Imagine breathing directly into the space beneath your hand. Let your chest rise and fall naturally, as if your heart is expanding and contracting with each breath.
Count your heartbeat – For a few breaths, simply notice your heartbeat against your palm. You might count 4-6 heartbeats, then pause and notice the rhythm of life within you.
Send yourself kindness – With each inhale, imagine breathing in warmth, love, compassion, or whatever quality you need most right now. With each exhale, let any tension, worry, or pain flow out through your heart space.
Expand your circle – If it feels right, imagine this warm, compassionate energy expanding beyond your body to include someone you love, then perhaps someone neutral, and finally someone you're struggling with. No pressure, just let it flow naturally. (This is a different take on Metta meditation)
Rest in connection – Take a moment to notice how you're connected to all the hearts that have ever beaten, all the breaths that have ever been taken. You're part of something much larger than your individual struggles.
Close with gratitude – Before opening your eyes, place both hands on your heart and offer yourself a moment of gratitude for showing up, for breathing, for being willing to tend to yourself in this moment.
This practice can be done in 2-3 minutes when you're pressed for time, or extended to 10-15 minutes when you have more space to be with yourself.
Lastly, we know that life isn’t linear. Your resilience doesn’t depend on how quickly you recover or how gracefully you handle everything. It’s already there in the fact that you’re still here, still breathing, still reading these words. (I admit this was a long one.) If this newsletter helped you, please share it with someone who needs it too.
Take care of yourselves, and thank you for being part of this community.
With fortitude and gratitude,
Cassandra
ps. If you're navigating grief, anxiety, depression, overwhelm, chronic illness, or emotional pain, here are some free or low-cost resources that offer care, community, and support.
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*I’m human, lets be real — it’s not always weekly…
